


letters and stars

by ghostingyu



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, How Do I Tag, M/M, One Shot, Pretty sad, beomgyu is kinda sad, beomjun gay, happy birthday to me lol, i need sleep ngl, i think this turned out well, mention of yerin, oh well, omg stan gfriend, slight mention of sookai, stream blue hour btw, takes place in the future, they live in a village, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:34:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27418078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostingyu/pseuds/ghostingyu
Summary: beomgyu has writes letters to the person he loved the most everyday, yet this one letter could be special and lead him back to his long gone lover.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun
Kudos: 11





	letters and stars

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to my angel lin and my home shim.  
> also thank you megan for inspiring me everyday.  
> also thank you marti for being the most supportive.

Hey there darling, I wonder what’s the best way to begin such letter –I mean does it really matter if you might never read it, i guess I just want to impress you even after all these years. I just felt the urge to write you another letter today for a reason, I have a feeling that we might finally meet soon but oh well.. 

Nothing has changed at all and I’m not talking about my feelings, I’m talking about everything. From your old hoodie that you stole from soobin to the broken frame that holds our first picture in it. 

They told me I should let go and I tried. They told me I should move on but I couldn’t, I keep convincing myself that you’re happier now, much brighter and somewhere better maybe with better people but it hurts. 

Letting go has never been this hard, I let go of many old habits. I’m used to sleeping alone now during the cold dark nights. It doesn’t feel weird anymore. But the case is different when it comes to you, I can’t get you out of my head no matter how hard I try and no matter how many people I hook up with, I just think of you. 

Ah its getting late, the sun is leaving the sky as I write this. You know, I’m sitting at your favourite spot I just kinda reserved it for you, hoping that maybe one day you’d come back and sit by my side. Maybe tease me a little and tell me how I’m sitting on your throne, king. 

It’s kinda funny, funny how I let you go easily like November letting the clouds’ tears fall a drop followed by another so easily, not bothering to stop the clouds’ pain that would make its tears soon turn into flakes.  
Ah sorry, once again I trailed off topic, its one habit I couldn’t change over years; I guess I just have too much to say and I don’t know how to express all these emotions properly. 

Oh, speaking of expressing emotions. soobin and kai have finally confessed, they have been together for a while now, taehyun left the village yesterday to travel around the world apparently, he’s smart I know he will have lots of fun and make friends, maybe he can finally find love. 

My parents have been doing a lot of activities together lately as I’ve told you in my previous letter and when I visit them it finally feels like home, they stopped bickering and now they’re looking after each other, cute eh? That could’ve been us hehe. 

I’ve heard that your old friend yerin was accepted in a huge college in America, honestly I am so happy for her. I wish I could focus on myself and future, but even since you left me I feel lost. 

I’m so lost without you, your hand that used too guide me through the longest dark tunnels isn’t there anymore. I’m waiting midway for you to lead the way but no matter how long I wait, you never show up. I keep waiting by the window for your car to appear in that long road, the road that we loved and took us on so many dates. Even the trees that shelter the road’s sides are waiting for you. 

It’s been so long, I wonder how you are and if you found happiness. Are you less stressed now? Is there someone who is taking care of you well? I’m just hoping that you’re not lonely. 

I don’t know if I’m the one to blame. Maybe if I held tight into my happiness and was a bit more selfish you wouldn’t have left, you would have been here for me now.  
The wind is howling, looks like it might rain later but the sky’s still clear as ever... that’s November for you... it really lets the sky cry as much as it wants, maybe it knows my pain, maybe our sky misses you so much that it needs to let things out too. 

I know that this is the closest we would both be, the closest we might ever be, sunsets. That’s the only thing that used to bring us together but the sun is barely visible now; you’re much further away now too. I wish I could fly high up the grey sky, higher than the clouds and look for you. I know you’re out here somewhere... 

I hate how I look for your clothes that you left behind when I’m feeling lonely and scared, I hate how I can’t let go of our house, our safe place that has slowly become my fear and the cave that I hide my shame and sadness in between its walls. 

Maybe I shouldn’t have fallen in love like this I knew I was in a place where I could choose myself or you and everything about you yet I chose you, I chose you over myself and over my happiness. 

I don’t regret one bit of it I really don’t but I wish I was wiser and kept my heart close to my chest instead of letting it go. I gave you my heart and you left with it, you left and you probably might never come back. 

I don’t know if I would be able to love again the way I loved you, it sounds almost impossible- not that I’m planning on ever falling for someone else- till this day you scent wraps itself smoothly around my body and my belongings, it rests comfortably on my bed and hides between my clothes.  
It’s weird, weird how I’m attached to someone who left in a blink of an eye, someone who didn’t even give me time to say goodbye. 

Our last moments might not have been the best yet, I want you back. I want you to come home and hug me. I want to feel your body next to mine first thing in the morning, I want to feel your lips keeping mine safe, playing and biting gently on them like your favourite candy. I want to feel loved and important, I want you. 

I want to be needed. I miss you, I really do. 

Dwelling on the past won’t get me anywhere yet here I am imagining your hands around my waist and you chin resting on my shoulder with your soft warm breath against my neck. Oh how much I wish I could stop writing to look behind me and find you. 

Is what I’m asking for is too much? Is having you back a lot to ask for? I don’t even want your kisses or hugs, nothing. I just wanna see you one last time, I want to be able to say goodbye to you at least. 

I haven’t changed the least bit have i? I keep writing sad things hoping that I would one day be satisfied with whatever I let out of my chest but even if I do so, I head home. I always go home, alone. Lying in bed and remembering everything we used to do together. 

I still don’t understand why you’ve left me so suddenly, I wonder if it was my fault or no one’s in particular  
Scratch that. I’m too tired to keep up with my feelings, too tired to heal and escape reality or even find myself. 

I love you, that’s the only thing that I really need to tell you, not all these long letters that hurt my wrists or those songs that I sing by the river every day and make my vision hazy.  
Maybe I should let go of myself so I can forget you- 

“Hey gyu, wake up” 

Rubbing his eyes and stretching were the first things that the black haired boy did upon hearing his own name coming out from his best friend's lips, it was soobin.  
Beomgyu guessed that it must be pretty late since the stars took over the tired sky, the sky that witnessed everything beomgyu had to go through and all of his distorted emotions. The vast sky that held the moon gently to clear the despair looked like a piece of art that no museum could fit for. 

Stargazing was something yeonjun had always loved, he taught his lover a lot about the stars, taking him on a journey to space. 

It was just like their last night together. Stars filled up the sky to the point it seemed like some would fall due to the very small space left for them. 

Beomgyu couldn’t understand the way people told their loved ones that they were as beautiful as the moon and stars because if he was to meet any star he would let it know that it doesn’t compare to his lover. 

On a starry night, yeonjun left beomgyu’s side after a long kiss, that kind of kiss turned the night into day. The wet streets on February becoming their dancehall and the lights creeping through their castle’s walls guiding them through it as their giggles echoed through the halls of love. 

Their last kiss brought many butterflies to pay them a visit, they were on cloud nine. Their thrill was like kids waking up to the ground wearing a snowy dress, like the sea embracing everyone during the hot June. 

Their lips dancing in harmony to the melody of their hearts, tasting the many emotions not even their eyes had time to tell. Yeonjun's lips were addictive, like a drug that beomgyu shoot right into his veins and took him to the sky. Music and art pieces visited his mind as he got high just by kissing his lover.

Yeonjun’s fingers playing some classic piece on beomgyu’s skin, placing galaxies on his lover’s waist, touching him gently to remind himself that the moment was real and that he was living it. He deepened their kiss to remind himself that they were both alive and well. They were by each other’s sides and not even fate could separate them. 

Thinking of how magical their last moments together were brought a soft smile to beomgyu’s face. He promised to keep on smiling after all, it was the only thing yeonjun asked for before leaving him. 

“I’ll wait for you bomu so remember to take care and smile until then” 

Their last text was the hand that leaded beomgyu on and helped him keep moving forward. 

“gyu, you look tired... let’s go home” soobin's whispers flew across the village as the wind pushed it far away; as much as beomgyu was tired yet he couldn’t get himself to leave, not yet at least. 

“You know what I’ll catch up in a few, hm?” 

A sigh escaped soobin’s lips and mixed with the cold breeze, he understood why his best friend wanted to stay yet he couldn’t help but worry over the younger. He had a bad feeling but decided to trust beomgyu; so with a nod he turned his back to the oak tree beomgyu was sat under; but the latter’s eyes didn’t leave soobin’s figure until it disappeared, completely. 

Soobin had left beomgyu with his lover, left him to share what’s been on his mind, to share what words on paper weren’t enough to let his sweetheart know how much he missed, loved and needed him. 

“Hey jjuni…” 

The leaves dancing along to the sound of the wind howling was the only thing that could be heard in the midst of the dark night asides from beomgyu’s footsteps; walking towards his beloved yeonjun. 

“I miss you...” 

He kneeled down in front of a pretty flower that was letting her petals follow beomgyu’s emotions, swinging if it got drunk on the chants of the lost souls wandering around through the universe, beomgyu smiled as he let his fingers dance with the flower to the melody of his favourite classic piece that rung in his mind. 

A minute or so passed before he looked at the papers he had held close to his chest, gently placing them inside a big wooden box that was next to him on top of many other papers, notes and stickers. 

“I have been writing to you every day... I was waiting for the day you would come back and take this box that you made yourself and read everything I wrote over the past few years” 

A smile gently held into beomgyu’s lips as he looked up, his eyes shining as bright as ever. Every star colouring the sky wouldn’t be enough to compare to beomgyu’s glossy eyes. Pearls clutched into his eyes not wanting to fall down and vanish underneath the green valley’s ground. 

“I hope you’re proud of me jjuni, I tried to keep my smile close, I wrote a book on how much I love you and drew lots of things that reminded me of you. I wrote a bunch of songs and composed thousands of melodies to dance to when we meet again” 

The wind calmed down leaving the black haired boy’s hair messy and he didn’t seem to care about it as he moved closer to his darling, not letting any sobs escape. 

“I wish I got to give you a proper hug before you left, it’s kinda cold now without you and i miss your warmth so much. I wish I got to taste more of your cherry lips- it’s not like I forgot how they felt against my own. They were so soft, they felt like feathers, marshmallows and that red cushion you love sleeping on” 

Beomgyu chuckled, his voice was as sweet as honey, making up for the gone breeze, accompanying the lonely night. The moon was watching over the lovers, writing their story on the stars surrounding it. 

“I wish I told you how much I love you a million times more even tho I doubt it would ever be enough. I suppose I shouldn’t have let you go that night... must be pretty selfish of me yet I can’t help but imagine the kind of family we would have started if you were still here, you loved kids so much...” 

The lover boy rested his head on a grey stone which was supporting another one that was standing, letting himself take all of it’s scent in, the pearls no longer could hold into their shells and started falling one by one until they turned into a steam. 

“I love you today and every day, my home, my world… my yeonjun. Sleep well angel” 

He looked to his side before running his fingers on the letters carved on the stone he found comfort in. 

𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘪 𝘺𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘫𝘶𝘯  
1999 – 2025

Beomgyu’s lids felt heavy, he knew he wouldn’t be able to make it back to soobin but he didn’t bother. His soul felt warm and his smile was still decorating his pretty face, he felt really close to his lover at that moment; he could’ve sworn he heard yeonjun’s voice calling his name before the wind toyed with the trees again. 

It was the last thing beomgyu could remember before drifting into a deep slumber. He slept into the cold night peacefully; that ended up being his last night on that village before he got to meet his beloved boyfriend who was waiting for him by the stars, picking each letter one by one to read.

**Author's Note:**

> oh welp.


End file.
